Food & Last Rites: The Culinary Canon of Grieving
Mini Ribeiro writes about the various culinary customs that surround death and bereavement in communities around India.
The old saying goes, ‘The fire in the house is not lit until the fire in the cremation pyre has gone out.’ Across India, traditions and customs vary, but everywhere, food takes on deep symbolic meaning in the face of death and bereavement.
When death visits a home, all elements of everyday life are pared back and simplified, including culinary activities. In Bohri families, grieving family members eat a moong pulao and a cold soup; sarki made with the water of moong, to which a paste of spices, spring onion, peanuts and cashew nuts are added, along with a light kadhi. Moong, being a coolant, brings down body heat to calm the mourning soul. It is for similar reasons that Hindus in Assam also follow a strict diet of fruit and mah proxad (soaked green moong dal and chickpeas).
Dal, rice and potatoes are generally staples across most communities as they provide much-needed energy. Bengalis eat dal, rice and alu seddho (boiled mashed potatoes); Muslims eat bhati, usually baghara chawal and dal. Interestingly, most communities abstain from consuming foods with garlic and onions during this period.
Death influences the culinary practices of most households beyond just the funeral rites and well into the mourning period. In certain communities, for the first 12 days, the deceased's family are considered ritually ‘impure’. Hindus avoid meat completely, following a strict vegetarian satvik diet so that the deceased attains moksha (salvation). The Kokni Muslims eat dry fish with rice or roti, especially in villages, as they cannot step out to buy fresh fish. For Goan Catholics too, no meat is allowed — but fish is permitted. East Indian Catholics of Mumbai eat lonvas, prawns with doodhi or bottle gourd (a cooling vegetable), paired with white rice. Alongside, it is typically black tea flavoured with spices, meant to soothe throats that are sore from crying. For those who prefer something stronger, the kimaith or country liquor, boiled with spices and garam masala is also an option.
From dinner on the fourth night, Hindus in Assam eat Hobisiya food. This is essentially food cooked without oil, turmeric, onion and garlic. Typically, the meal comprises of moong dal, rice, potatoes, vegetables and salt, cooked together like a khichdi, with a dash of ghee. Joyee Mahanta of O’Tenga, Mumbai, who caters Assamese food, says, “This food is primarily eaten because after mourning and crying, people are weak and this is easy for the body to digest.”
Chitrita Banerji, eminent food historian and author of Life & Food in Bengal, further elaborates, “In Bengali Brahmin homes like mine, the period of mourning and abstinence after the death of a family member is 11 days. Among non-Brahmins, the period is shorter. Formal ritual observances have lessened with modern times, but originally, sons of the deceased, had to shave their heads and wear unstitched clothing (dhoti and chadar) throughout the mourning period. They were not allowed to shave their beards or oil their hair. The absence of oil is applied to food as well. Cooking was permitted only once during the day, and lunch usually was rice and green bananas (kanchkola) boiled in an earthen pot over a wood fire. This is called habishyanno. The only seasoning the mourners could use was sea salt and some ghee.” The restriction on oil meant nothing could be fried. For meat-eating Bengalis, this proved a difficult diet to adhere to, and some families began throwing in a handful of dal in the pot of rice, for added nutrition. At night, the mourners were allowed to have fruit and milk.
According to the Zoroastrians or Parsis, the deceased soul must be mourned for three days. During this period, the food is vegetarian — perhaps because non-vegetarian food is not easy to digest. At the same time, they are advised to accept Ahura Mazda's will and return to normalcy on the fourth day, with early morning prayers, followed by a meal of mutton dhansak, for which relatives and friends are invited.
Nafisa Kapadia, of The Bohri Kitchen in Mumbai adds, “For us, the meal on the third day is called Ziyarat and dal gosht and meetha chawal, made with jaggery and coconut milk, are eaten.” On teej, the third day of death, marking the end of mourning period for Muslims, lai-batasha or jalebi are given after the Qurankhani is distributed.
Depending on the community, there are a certain number of days when strict norms are adhered to, after which the family is re-integrated into the society. On that day, friends and relatives are invited to celebrate the life of the departed soul. Among Hindus, first, the crows have to be fed, because that is when the soul ceases wandering around and goes to Brahman (the soul of the world).
Chitrita informs that, “At the end of eleven-days, the Bengali Hindus perform the shraddha ceremony where many different offerings for the dead include not just food, but also clothes, utensils, even furniture (depending upon the family's means). In particular, the family ensures that the menu includes the deceased’s favourite dishes.” Hindus in Assam often serve luchi, mutton, curry, fish and rice on the shraddh.
Alka Keswani, Mumbai based, food blogger, elaborates, “Among Sindhis, for the eleventh day Tayri, sweetened rice and lotus stem subzi is made. On Ekadashi, during these thirteen days, sago flour-patted rotis, alu and lotus stem subzi is eaten.”
Vegetables are the commonality in most shraddh meals. An Iyengar shraddh meal in south India usually includes rice with a light rasam, potatoes, raw bananas, sweet potatoes, cluster beans and bitter gourd. Five bakshanam, or fried snacks are also served on banana leaves. Thirukannamudhu, a milk and rice-based sweet, made with lentils, coconut and jaggery, is a must. Maharashtrians serve an equally elaborate shraddh thali with chawal ki kheer, lal bhoplyachi bhaji, bhindi fry, aluchya vadya, gavar fali chi bhaji, as well as, panchamrut and kelichi koshimbir.
The Bohris do not consider the eleventh or thirteenth day as special, but instead, commemorate the departed soul on the 40th day with khichda, a dish that is generally considered simple and austere. It is also significant as Prophet Nooh is believed to have eaten this on the day of aashura, when caught in a storm.
The first death anniversary of the family member is almost always celebrated. The Bohris invite family and friends for a home-cooked meal where simple food is served, but saat vana ni mithai or seven types of sweets are a must on the thaal to appease the departed soul.
Among Hindus, apart from shraddh, pitru paksha, the dark moon phase in the month of Bhadrapada (September or October), is designated for karmic cleansing and for performing rituals and prayers for the ancestors. On this day, families remember their ancestors and pay homage to them by offering food, clothes and sweets to the Brahmins. These offerings are cooked at home and typically served on a plate made of dried leaves.
Chitrita quips, “One interesting food item in the shraddha ceremony is the pinda, cooked rice and fish, mashed together. In fish-loving Bengal, Hindus believe that the dead person's spirit cannot be fully satisfied until this offering is made. It is usually cooked by the daughter-in-law of the deceased and the mashed food is formed into balls (pinda), set out on banana leaves, and formally offered to all the departed ancestors that the family can recall. Since the dead cannot eat actual food, there was a sub-caste of Bengali Brahmins, called Agradanis, who were assigned the duty of eating a portion of this particular offering. Despised, considered fallen, the Agradani Brahmin appeared at the shraddha ceremony like some material ghost substituting for the actual dead.”
A Bohri moong pulao | Image by Aysha Tanya
Goan Catholics also have a unique way of paying homage and remembering their ancestors, by organising a Bikareanchem Jevonn (meal for beggars). Typically held on a Tuesday before a wedding in the family, or any other auspicious occasion, an elaborate feast is prepared and 7-9 poor people, chosen according to the age and gender of the departed souls, are invited. The lunch comprises of meat, fish, rice and a special curry called samarachi kodi which is cooked with dry prawns and mango sol (dry unripe salted mango) to which a block of Mangalore tile is added. The addition of the tile is a subtle reminder that one comes from the soil and that is where one goes back to. The guests seated on the floor, are served by the family, on jack fruit leaves that are woven into a plate. Cashew feni, is also served and for dessert, there is a sweet dish called oonu, made of gram dal and soji or semolina, along with a banana.
A plate is placed outside for the crows and after they eat, the guests are served. Olivia Gomes, an octogenarian from Goa explains, “This is a custom essentially borrowed from the Hindus. Like them, we believe that the dead ancestors visit the living in the form of a crow and thus inadvertently, one is feeding them, before the guests eats and therefore, the soul of the loved one is satiated.”
Recipe: Samarachi Kodi
Ingredients
2 cups dried shrimp
2 cups fresh shrimp
Milk of 1 fresh coconut
1 finely chopped onion
7-8 dried mango slices (aam sol)
2-inch piece Mangalore tile, washed and dried
Salt to taste
Oil for frying
For the masala
1 finely chopped onion
10 dry Kashmiri red chilies
2 cups fresh grated coconut
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1 teaspoon cumin seeds
8-10 peppercorns
2 tablespoon coriander seeds
1 inch cinnamon stick
5 cloves
1/2 star anise
1-2 pieces mace
1/4 nutmeg grated
4 large garlic cloves
1 inch ginger
1/2 teaspoon fenugreek seeds (methi)
Small ball of tamarind (soaked in 1/2 cup hot water to extract pulp)
Method
Extract thick coconut milk from fresh coconut and keep aside.
Dry roast all the spices on a hot tawa ensuring these do not get burnt.
Next, roast the onions, ginger and garlic, coconut and the dried shrimp.
Add oil in a pan and fry the fresh shrimp, till nearly cooked.
Grind the masala ingredients into a thick wet paste.
Saute 1 finely chopped onion in a large pot.
Once the onion starts to change colour, add the masala paste and fry for a few more minutes. Add a cup or two of water and bring it to a boil.
Add the dried mango, followed by the fresh shrimp. Let these cook while bringing the curry to a boil.
Add dry shrimp and let it cook for a few minutes.
Next, add coconut milk and the Mangalore tile. Bring to a boil. Add salt to taste.
Let the curry remain overnight as the flavours intensify.
Remove tile from curry. Serve with steamed rice.
Mini Ribeiro is an independent Food & Beverage writer, critic and columnist.
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